Blind Reactions

No reaction occurs randomly. If the conditioning in place that allows the reaction to arise isn’t understood, one will blindly react to situations as if they were a puppet on a string.

Understanding the conditioning in place is what allows one to understand what’s truly going on in their life. It’s very difficult to know what is real and what isn’t, but it’s not all that difficult to understand the conditioning that make you react to life as you do. Most people are led around blindly without understanding their reactions and this is the reason it’s nearly impossible to break free from the Conditioned Mind; we get stuck in the same energy patterns. If something has you in its grip, if you don’t understand the conditioning in place that causes this, you will not have the resolve or awareness to break free from it. The unawareness of this conditioning makes one pursue things that are not beneficial to your own well being, and as stated before this is strictly because the conditioning in place will not allow it.

No one reacts randomly. Reactions manifest in the way that they do because it’s what’s in place, you can only get apples from an apple tree. Certain Universal Laws are in affect throughout life and regardless if the reactions associated with them are wanted or not, they will arise depending on the deep seeded conditioning that’s in control. If the conditioning in place makes one see things from any place other than love this will cause problems. This is exactly why the world is as it is because the conditioning in place makes people act as they do. Until the conditioning changes that makes it this way, one will continue to react as they do even though the reactions may not truly be beneficial.



Self Investigation

Self investigation takes more courage than most people will ever exhibit. This is because the conditioning in place doesn’t allow it and until life isn’t all about you anymore, your conditioning prevails.

More and more I’m amazed at the things that people hold onto with the emphasis totally on satisfying self. There is little or no consideration for anyone else and it’s strictly from a me, me, me, mind. I know it’s because they know not what they do, but the suffering this causes and how it anchors the conditioning in place can be truly discouraging. Notice I said can be discouraging because if one is truly awake, there’s the understanding that the way things are is the way things are and wanting them different also anchors the conditioning in place. I’m writing about this because the conditioning in place is heartbreaking, when you have answers and they are ignored by most, it’s like having a cure for cancer, but nobody will listen. Without going into specifics, the conditioned unconsciousness runs so deep that people will justify doing all kinds of self destructive behavior without blinking an eye; drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, rioting, protesting, total defiance for any authority, murder, rape, assault, and robbery and this is only the tip of the Conditioned Mind iceberg. Here is my understanding of why this is, it’s much easier because of the way one is conditioned to justify self destructive behavior than to look inward. True self investigation takes more courage than most people will ever exhibit, not because they can’t, but because the conditioning in place doesn’t allow it.

I offer to talk to people all the time to possibly assist in the waking up process because the conditioning in place keeps one as a dog chasing its own tail as all kinds of excuses are made not to connect. I get it, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch people suffering when there’s a way out. The insanity of this is people would rather remain in their suffering then to go beyond it, which is truly heartbreaking. I don’t say this because I’m a know it all, but I have been released somewhat from the grip of the Conditioned Mind and was provided answers that are shared strictly from experience. And how I know that I’ve truly broken free from the Conditioned Mind is because life just isn’t all about me anymore.



Pleasure Perception

Until one can be with things as they are without seeking an escape that’s thought to provide pleasure, a made up perception will continue its control and unfortunately so will the suffering it causes.

Even though certain thoughts arise that are perceived as truth, it doesn’t mean they have anything to do with truth. They may be perceived as what is thought to be truth, but if you look into it deeper it’s probably just a made up story providing you with the way you think things are needed for pleasure. Don’t we use the story of helping others in this way, it’s really used to kind of pat ourselves on the back because we make up the story that helping others is good, and we get pleasure out of anything we label as good. We use God in the same way, it’s strictly used to provide pleasure, nothing more; like there’s really something out there that really cares about what a person does. All these made up stories block one from really seeing the underlying true nature of what is. Truth as it is with love needs no story, and if a story is being used to formulate a perception of what truth is thought to be, I guarantee you it’s not truth, it’s only your perception.

Truth is not something to know. It can’t be defined correctly with words because it’s only seen when the mind is settled. When you judge someone regardless of what they do, you are applying a perception of truth of how you think they should be acting. This is the same with life situations, and these perceptions are only there to provide yourself with the pleasure of the way you think things should be. Life and the people in it are always as it is and until one can just be with things in that capacity instead of always wanting them in a way that provides pleasure, truth will never be experienced. Hence your made up perception of truth will continue its control and unfortunately so will the suffering it causes.



Truth Uncovered

When truth is uncovered, no longer is the mind blindly listened to because it’s understood you shouldn’t believe everything your mind tells you because most of the time it just isn’t true.

Don’t believe everything your mind tells you because it will tell you things that just aren’t true. It will tell you the past is real yet the past doesn’t truly exist. It will tell you to fear, yet the only thing you have to fear is fear itself. It will tell you to hold onto the belief that there’s a self that’s a solid entity, but the form that’s being occupied needs no such attachment to exist as it’s constantly changing. It will also tell you I think therefore I am, but thinking has nothing to do with I am. It will make up beliefs that everything desired on the outside is needed, but if none of those desires come to pass, life simply goes on. Even if the desires do get fulfilled, the satisfaction is fleeting at best. This thing called mind (ego) can never be grabbed, it’s like the bogeyman under the bed, it exist until one looks under the bed. There’s also not a need to get rid of it because it doesn’t truly exist, except in the mind.

There’s the image in the mirror who was given a label for identification purposes, we think we are that label. If the label is different we think we are someone else, but that’s only to the mind because the form remains the same. There will be many lies held onto that just aren’t true, but unfortunately the more those lies are attached to, the truer they seem. To truly be free, the lies will have to be uncovered, this doesn’t mean you find out you don’t exist, you just find out you just don’t exist in the way your ego tells you. When this truth is uncovered, no longer does one listen to the mind because it’s understood, you shouldn’t believe everything it tells you because it just isn’t so.



The Thought to Reach

When the need to reach for something arises it’s because the mind is in bondage to the reaching thought. Until this is seen, one will remain in bondage to the thought that fulfillment is in the next thing reached for.

You will never find the fulfillment you’re seeking if you’re in bondage to the thought of being fulfilled. Fulfillment is something that’s already within everyone, but because of the way our minds are conditioned, we get bound up in our thoughts that fulfillment is something outside of us. Unfortunately this bondage makes the very fulfillment we are seeking impossible to grasp. This bondage is the reason one is constantly reaching for something from the outside and until this is seen one remains bound to the thought that fulfillment is in the next thing reached for. Alcohol, gambling, drugs, sex, social status, programs, therapy, self help books and on and on, this reaching is proof that one is in bondage, is it not? I can’t stress this enough as this bondage to your thoughts has to be seen if one is to experience true fulfillment in their life.

It’s impossible to think your way to fulfillment, but what does have to happen if fulfillment is to be experienced is there has to be an understanding of why you’re not fulfilled; that one isn’t fulfilled is only because of the inability to just be. When the need to reach for something arises, the bondage to the reaching thought begins. This bondage is a vicious cycle that’s very difficult to break free from. Fulfillment isn’t something attained or achieved so it’s in doing less that one is fulfilled. To many people get lost in trying to find fulfillment, but since it’s something that’s already within, the binding thought about finding fulfillment needs to be discarded so you can see. This is not easy to grasp, but it’s why I write. Understand though, I don’t write to help anyone find fulfillment, I simply write so the bondage of our thoughts can be seen for what it is; the reason why there isn’t fulfillment.



Forgiveness Story

If you truly loved yourself wounds that need healing would never be produced and because you can only do what you are conditioned to do, there wouldn’t be a need for a forgiveness story.

This article is on the topic of forgiveness. To me the biggest misconception of this word is people think its needed and that’s where the problem lies. If you understood your own mind, you would understand this. I ask you, is forgiveness real or is it just a story created by your Conditioned Mind to hold you in captivity to the wounds of the past? Wounds that are held onto which are only there because they’re created by the lack of self love, and because of this lack these wounds aren’t allowed to heal. It all stems from not allowing yourself to truly love who you are. You think the past should be different, if you didn’t there wouldn’t be the need to forgive. We all can only do what we are conditioned to do, if this truth was seen where would there be a need for forgiveness? And if it isn’t true then why do you do what you don’t want to do and don’t do what’s in your heart? So do what you do and if you don’t like what you do, learn to stop doing it so you can do something different.

If you understand the Conditioned Mind and you are aware of the control it has over you, you will see there is no need for forgiveness because you and others behave in the way your own mind tells you to behave. So where is the need to forgive if you are just doing what you have been conditioned to do? Understand this, it’s your own mind that tells you what to do, and the same mind makes up the story that what it told you to do now needs to forgive. Who behaves and who forgives? It is one in the same. So my question is, is the need for forgiveness real or is it just a story? If you truly loved yourself your wounds would have never been produced so there wouldn’t be a need for healing and because now you understand that you just did what you were conditioned to do there isn’t a need to forgive.



Limiting Results

No perspective is wrong, but if you only have one way of seeing things it does limit your view of life and in the process it doesn’t allow you to have any other result except from that perspective.

Changing views is what makes life different, it doesn’t make what happens in life different, it only makes the way something is seen different. If you’re locked into a certain view, this only allows one way of seeing things. To me the more one’s view is based in the intellect the harder it will be for there to be a shift in perspective to see things another way. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with the intellect, it just doesn’t allow for much space. When one sees things from a view of only one way, it limits their entire life to that one view. Most times this view isn’t even one’s own, it’s formed from someone else; their opinion, teaching, book, video, belief, idea, or philosophy.

To be fixated on one way of seeing things keeps you entrapped to the results of that way; think about how limiting that is. No possibility of other views, always going down the same path, never allowing anything new, this is so limiting, and unfortunately with only seeing things one way how limiting this is will not be seen. Sitting and developing discipline allows a one sided view to fall away and it also assist in the possibility of altering the current view; this is very important is one is to even have an inkling there’s another way to see things. It’s not that your way is wrong, it’s just that having only one way to see things limits your view of what occurs in life and in the process it doesn’t allow any other results except those from the one view; very limiting indeed.


Dream Big, Darling

As 2018 begins, I’ve smudged away old regrets, lost dreams, and looked toward everything the future has to offer.  I’m ready to take on the new year… are you?

It’s easy to dwell on the past, old mistakes, or missed opportunities.  For years I didn’t even realize I was settling for less!  Instead of following my heart, I listened to the opinions of people who weren’t in alignment with me, questioned my abilities, or stayed quiet in fear of being misunderstood.  It took several years, a lot of lessons, and some encouragement to discover I didn’t need to believe in anything but myself. 

I hid my talents and creativity for years because I was afraid of being criticized.  It didn’t even occur to me that I may get positive feedback!  As a child, any recognition wasn’t worth the hurtful things I may have heard (keyword: may).  At seven years old I wrote and illustrated an entire collection of children’s stories called “Suey and Friends.”  Suey was a chipmunk who went on all sorts of adventures with her crew.  Each character had a unique personality, often based on dreams I had or friends of my own.  My mom still has those old pieces of paper somewhere back in Michigan… she believed in me and encouraged me to continue creating.  Although it was just a hobby to me, she always insisted we send them to agents or publishers.  Being the shy and insecure girl I was, I never agreed to it.

It’s been 25 years since my last Suey story, but if there’s one takeaway from this all, it’s that life is too short to hold back.

Today I would rather be criticized than miss an opportunity.

As the year starts to unfold, I’m ready to take on the next steps of my life- whatever they may be.  2017 was an amazing year to focus on myself, develop a solid foundation, and decide what I truly wanted.  Big dreams no longer scare me, and hard work has become second nature.  The key to hard work is to follow your heart and do something you love.

Since moving on from Suey and friends, there’s a long list of things I have done as a middle finger to the people who hurt or second guessed me.  Although I didn’t do anything deliberately mean, I did my best to succeed, stand out, or surpass any doubts or negativity they threw my way.  I called off my engagement with a controlling engineer and moved to San Francisco, started a style blog in my hometown of people who bullied me, and pursued a marketing career in New York.  Things definitely didn’t go as planned, but that’s okay.  Although I am glad the anger and pain inspired my creativity, I learned one important lesson:

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but you.

When your intentions are pure, everything falls in place.  My life often fell apart because it wasn’t acting in alignment with my soul: I was simply doing things out of ego.  I no longer hold those old resentments or fear… and I can thank my spiritual practice and support system for giving me the strength to live my life with more love and compassion.

As you reflect on your goals for the future, remember to follow your heart; it will certainly take you a lot further than acting on ego or fear.  When you set your mind to it, you can have anything you want out of this crazy and beautiful life.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.


444: Living In Harmony

I love when the perfect message comes to me at just the right time.  As I finished yesterday’s leftover green curry and checked my phone, I noticed the time: 4:44.  Although I see number patterns on a daily basis (especially any variation of 2), I had a strong urge to look up the meaning.  What was the significance of 444?

There are a few websites I frequent to read about Angel Numbers- Ask AngelsSacred Scribes, and Willow Soul (check out their cute clothes, too!); each have great summaries with their significance.  Today, I knew 444 was special- numbers are often how our angels or guides communicate with us, and ever since becoming more conscious, I am very in tune with signs from the universe, synchronicities, and patterns.  I also just realized today’s date is 1/3… 1+3= 4.

As soon as I Googled 444, the first thing I read was from Willow Soul:

“444 is your messenger telling you to have faith and be confident that things are going in the right direction in your life. 4th Meaning of 444: You Are in Harmony with the Universe. Whenever you’re seeing 444, the angels tell you that you’re resonating with the Universe in perfect synchronicity.”

Learning to be in harmony with the Universe has been a huge life lesson for me this past year, so the 4:44 message couldn’t have been any more perfect!  I’ve been on a slow and steady path, and as I begin working even harder toward my goals, the right people, thoughts, or signs come to me effortlessly.  As I get more in alignment with my heart and stop forcing old people or habits into my life, there’s been much less irritation, anxiety, or disappointment.

I’ve talked to many friends about things in their life falling apart; toxic relationships that aren’t improving, problems at work, bad living situations, and break-ups.  It’s a common theme for everyone to try and “fix” the situations; however, there comes a time when you realize they’re just doors meant to be closed.  There’s a reason why these things aren’t working out; it’s time to break the cycle and open a new door.   The reason these life factors aren’t working for you is because you’re not in alignment; you keep trying, and it keeps resisting.  Think of it as a nudge from the Universe, telling you to let go and make room for what’s to come.

This was a huge lesson for me over the past year.  As my life completely changed and I began stepping into the person I was meant to be, I began attracting like minded people and stopped thinking so much about the past.  I stopped worrying about what people would think of me, because I wouldn’t want to to change.  We’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea, but you’ll find your tribe when you’re true to you.

I’m grateful to finally become the person who speaks up without fear of judgement.  I’m grateful to be able to share my own experiences, pain, and lessons in hope of helping at least one person.  I am okay with being vulnerable, because not only does it help me heal, it helps me connect with people who need to know they’re not alone.  We find strength and hope in one another.  As we open up, let the ego go, and act with our hearts, we’ll be much closer to harmony and happiness.

I’ve decided “harmony” is my word for 2018; it’s important to me to live a peaceful, joyous life.  Any time I feel anxious or irritated, I have to ask myself, “am I in alignment? Am I thinking with my heart?”  I also have to remember to take deep breaths and remember I amon the right path; I am meant to write, paint, and create along this spiritual self-discovery journey.  As a messenger, I’m not only helping myself and others, I’m having fun, too!  Following your heart, whether it’s through art, nature, animals, or other activities, will ultimately help you align with the Universe and be in more peace and harmony.  As you let the old out of your life, you’ll notice how much lighter, happier, and free you will feel.

It can be scary to let things go, but even the butterfly has to struggle to fly.  Keep the faith… something great is on its way to you.


1/11 Energy: Stay Positive

The beautiful thing about life is we can start every day new.  Isn’t that refreshing?

As I woke up, I realized it was a very special day: 1/11!  I’ve been reading a lot about the ways angels connect with us, which is commonly through music, nature, and numbers.  Angel numbers are commonly seen on the clock, on receipts, in dates, road numbers, or addresses; have you noticed these patterns in your own life?  I’ve also noticed many parallels and synchronicities within numbers- when I am in doubt about something, a number can often remind me I’m on the right track.

When we notice any sequence of the number 1, Doreen Virtue reminds us to “Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts are manifesting instantly into form. Focus only upon your desires and not upon your fears.”

2018 is a year of rebuilding and manifestation.  As the old falls away, we make room for the amazing surprises and gifts the universe sends our way.  The tricky part is, how do we keep the faith while we wait for our dreams to manifest?

1/11 is a perfect reminder to rest assured; everything is happening in divine order.  We may not know what the end result will be today, but if we keep our thoughts positive and focus on what we do want, not the things we don’t, we’ll see how our thoughts and actions create our outer reality.

Self-care and compassion is another theme for 2018.  We can easily lower our vibration without realizing it when we beat ourselves up over mistakes, forget to take time out of the day to meditate, focus on the past, or worry about the future.  I’ve been in my own little bubble of worries this past week; as my intuition guides me to take steps toward my goals, I have been consumed with wondering what the result will be.  This isn’t helpful to anyone!  Forgiving yourself for the past, showing yourself compassion, and remembering to think positively is a daily practice that takes work, but is extremely beneficial to your overall happiness and well being.

When you notice the number 1 in any order, stop and pay attention to your thoughts.  Are you embodying light and love, or are you feeling nervous and negative?  Are you focusing on your goals, or are you fearful of the future?  Today is the perfect day to journal, set intentions, and focus on what your heart is telling you.  If your gut tells you a situation is or isn’t right, listen.  Your intuition is a messenger from your higher self to let you know what choice you need to make.