Matthew 6:14-15 Forgive and ye shall be forgiven

Day 3

 

                                    

 

 

Yeah I know a whole lot of people have done a lot of ugly things to you. You have done a lot more ugly things to people. I use people because people are the only creatures God created that can hurt one another emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And they will continue to hurt you as you grow in Christ. To become new daily you have to be obedient to Christ and the leaders He has placed in your life. It is hard to forgive people you don’t like. Learn how to love. Love everyone, including your enemies; yourself, this is essential to your growth. God our Father said forgive your brothers and sisters as I have forgiven you. If you don’t forgive your brothers and sisters then God won’t forgive you. God said this in the book of Matthew, go head, look it up for yourself if you don’t believe me, Matthew 6:14-15.  God wants you to learn how to have compassion on people just like he have with you. Without compassion you will continue to be bitter about what people do. But what about what you have done. Doesn’t it feel good that God has forgiven you? You can’t afford to let your disobedience hold you back from the next step God wants you to take in life, you got to move forward to experience life abundantly as God promised.

 

Prayer: Oh God teach me today how to be obedient to you and do what you tell me to do Lord, teach me how to have compassion on your people and forgive them like you have forgiven me. God I need you to teach and show me how to do even this. So that I can be renewed daily

 

 

 

 

Share

GODSGLORY

IT IS A PLEASURE TO BE COMMITTED TO SOMETHING SO DEAR TO ME AND THAT IS MY GIFT OF WRIRING. THIS MORNING THE GOOD LORD HAS AWAKEN ME TO THE ENERGY OF HIS SOURCE. GOD ID LOVE AND STAYING IN TUNE TO HIM WILL CAUSE YOUTO KNOW THIS.

THE EXPERIENCE OF HIS PRESENCE IS FOREVER IN MY SOUL STATING WHISPERS AND REMINDERS OF WHO HE IS IN MY LIFE. I CAN HEAR HIM SAY ASK FOR WHATEVER YOU WILL AND KEEP BELIEVING, IT WILL BE DONE. THAT BRINGS A SMILE ON MY FACE.

I REMEMBER THE VISION HE GAVE ME WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE A GIFT IN WRITING. I GATHER ALL MY JOURNALS BUT FIRST I WROTE THE VISION DOWN.

I SAID I WANTED TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE IN GETTING TO KNOW GOD WITH THE WORLD AND SOON ALL THESE JOURNALS WOULD TURN INTO BOOKS THAT WILL HELP PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO SEEK THE LORD, WAIT AND PRAY.

IT HAS BEEN A LONG JOURNAL TO THE PATH OF FREEDOM IN CRIST, TO ME THE FREEDOM GOD GIVES ME IS THE RESULTS OF “BE YE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY. IT HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET THIS FAR IN CHRIST. THE MANIFESTATION OF THE SCRIPTURE “BE YE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCRIPTURES, YOU WILL FIND IT IN PETER 1:17.

IT WAS THE VERSE OF DELIVERING ME HERE TODAY. THE FREEDOM TO WRITE, WRITERS BLOCK IS SIMPLY NOT HAVING THE FREEDOM TO WRITE BECAUSE OF ALL THE CLUTTER WE HAD TO PICK UP IN THIS WORLD.

I HAD TO BE FREE IN LOTS OF AREAS, MIND, BODY AND SOUL, I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO COMMIT FOREVER, COULDN’T DO IT ON MY OWN, BUT AS I CONTINUE TO PRAY HE SHOW HIS GLORY

Share

EMPYTY SOUNDS

 

            Giving honor to God who is the head of my life and my Savior through Jesus Christ, who strengthens me and guides me to do all things and who is now allowing me on paper to share a short part of my testimony with you.

 

            My sister and brother, I pray that God will touch your life as you read a little about mine.  I am a 40-year-old woman who has lived over 20 years in the rough streets of Oakland California, as a single parent, on every kind of drug you can think of, beginning with weed and ending with heroin and crack.  And yes, I did prostitute with women as well as men to support my habit.  I was very criminal minded also, going inside stores, stealing lots of things that did not belong to me just to sell, so I could support my drug addiction.

 

            During this time my children were from pillow to pole, as my mother would say.  They went

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

 

back and forth from one grandmother’s house to another. And did I care? NO! Eventually I ended up losing my children to CPS (Child Protective Services.) That is only a short statement of the terror I had to experience when I was living in a world of darkness.

            Oh! But God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus, to die and shed his blood for my sins so that I may live again.

“I thank God!

He cared about me when I didn’t

care about myself.”

 

Just like He raised Lazurus from the dead, He raised me also and gave me life abundantly.  He can and will do the same for you.  All these things I write to you in Jesus’ name so you may know that we all serve one God and we can reach Him through Jesus Christ, His loving Son who intercedes for us.

            I hope that my testimony will touch your life like it has already touched mine.  When I think about how I walked inside my house after CPS

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

came and took my children away from me, it makes me want to cry again.  I hope no one ever has to go through experiencing the empty sounds and the pain I had to experience when I walked through the front door of my then empty house, and all the sounds of my children crying momma, momma, momma, were gone.  They had disappeared and right then and there, I realized that a house is not a home when you’re on drugs and lost in a world of sin.

 

“I felt so horrible and lifeless.”

 

            I remember the tears flowing and flowing from my eyes. They wouldn’t stop. I never want to hear those empty sounds of babies crying in the back ground again just to open my eyes to hearing nothing.  It was terrible.  You would think that the horror I had just experienced would have made me throw away the crack pipe and cocaine that I came in the house with, but it didn’t.

 

 

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

 

“It made me pull on the glass pipe harder so that I wouldn’t have to remember or feel what I was going through at that time in my life.”

 

            Not knowing how to pray, not knowing at that time God was my present help while I was in trouble, I began to holler out to Him to help me!  Those screams were the beginning of my crying out for help because at the time I didn’t know which way I was going or even how I was going to get there.  The only thing I knew was I was lost in a world of sin and I had lost my kids.

            I didn’t have any hope and I sure didn’t want to look at myself in no mirror because I was already feeling ugly and worthless, with nothing left inside of me.  No morals.  That left right after the self-esteem. That’s why I know that Satan does come to steal, kill and destroy and that’s what he did. 

 

            He stole my joy when he stole my children, (the little joy I had) and then he killed my spirit.  I

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

was already spiritually bankrupt and then he destroyed me.

 

            First he had me cut all my hair off my head like a boy so that I wouldn’t have to worry about combing it because I really didn’t have time to comb my hair when waking up sick in the mornings for heroin.  Then I would go and stand by the fast food restaurants, shame and embarrassed, begging for money, lying saying that I was hungry.  Sometimes I was hungry thinking that I might buy me something to eat this time only to get enough money to go and cop again, only to return back to my begging and lying mode again.

 

            I remember those times as the most emptiest times of my life.  Most of my life was so empty until I actually don’t have any recollection of it at all.  I tried going into recover to find out it do work, only to crumble again when you don’t have Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.  The first couple of times I went into recovery I didn’t have Jesus because I was not ready to give up my old ways or

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

my past.  All I wanted was to get clean and sober, get my kids back, and get CPS out of my life so that I could do what I do best and that was get high.

 

            The devil had me deceived into thinking that getting high was fun and the best part of my life was the rush from the inhaled cocaine or the flash from the injected heroin that I put in my veins everyday.  The devil tricked me into thinking I needed these drugs everyday to survive my life and that I wouldn’t be able to function or live without them, but the devil is a lie.  I have never been so happy and content in my life, now that I got Jesus as my foundation.  I can finally see things about me that I couldn’t see when my mind was clouded from the smoke of the world of darkness.

 

            I remember my ex-landlord, Mr. Washington.  He was able to see things inside of me I couldn’t see myself.  Then there was Inger

 

 

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

 

Ackings, a CPS worker who always encouraged me and told me how I was such a good mother and how smart I was.  I did not want to believe her, because I really wanted her gone so I could get loaded all over again.  I did not know at that time I was covering up a lot of pain.  Pain that I had accumulated from the time I was a little girl, which started when I was being left alone, only to be fondled by my uncles, my mother brothers.  I was always scared to tell because I thought that I might get a whooping.’

 

            As I grew my mom left me an my siblings in the house by ourselves daily, sometimes two to three days straight or maybe four days at a time by ourselves with strict orders not to open the door for no one, not even Jesus Christ; not even her mammy who is dead and gone as she would say. The only time we were to answer the phone was when it rang three times and stopped and then rang one time.  Then we knew it was my mom.  So every time the phone rang, we all got quiet and stopped doing whatever it was we were doing to acknowledge my mom’s call.

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

 “She had us scared to death even

when she wasn’t there.”

 

            The other rule I can remember so clear was, make sure this ##*#**# house was clean and I mean spic and span clean or I’m going to beat yawl ##*#***s. I really do not want to cuss, so you are going to have to read between the lines.  This is why I thought it was okay to leave my kids by themselves, because this is what I was taught.

 

“And child abuse, wow! I never knew it existed until I got older and had kids of my own.”

 

            My mother came to the school to ‘whoop’ us  and no one ever said anything except open the door and let her in.  Half of the time I got beat with sticks, extension cords, water hoses, and not to mention, I once had my head pushed down inside a toilet and almost drowned because I didn’t clean the toilet right.

“Affection was never shown.”

           

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

You never heard anyone in my house say, “I love you,” and people dared you to hug them.  These are my sisters and brother I’m talking about.

 

            My mother started drinking with us when we were very young, as young as nine years old.  I can remember passing out cold because I drank some old grand dad straight because they were having fun and was trying to see which kid could last the longest.  I was the first to go.  Every since then I hated alcohol and since my mom was raising me drunk, I really didn’t want it.  So alcohol was

never a problem for me, but I did find myself drinking it to mellow me out on the cocaine.

            Then my mother had her many boy friends who she would leave in the house with me and my sister who is one year older than me and they would have sex with us, unknowingly to my mom or did she know? She did leave us in the house with them for days at a time. It became a regular thing and then at the age of 13, I found myself on the couch in the living room loosing my virginity to my oldest daughter’s father and he was 18 years old.

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

                 “This was the day I made 13.”

 

            By this time I guess my mother started coming in off the streets because her girls where becoming teenagers.  So she started letting us have company and boyfriends and they were able to spend the night with us.  I remember one time she let my boyfriend sleep with me, with her.  I’m not trying to blame my mom for my addiction, but I’m trying to express the only thing I learned coming up as a child and young adult.

            At the age of 14 years old I was already pregnant and had been in juvenile hall several times.  I did time in Las Vista Girls Home.  I had been in Sneniger College.  I smoked cigarettes, weed and was living on the streets of Oakland on my own not knowing too much about snakes and vipers that are in the world.

 

“I was young bait for a lot of old men.”

 

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

            They gave me money for sex and told me I was pretty and some even lied and told me they weren’t married and they wanted to marry me.

 

All this kept me searching for something I did not even know, from one man to another until I ran into the one who put the first needle in my arm.  It was crank, yawl.  It made me feel super fluently sexy ground and all the false feelings that come with speed.  So, by the time I met my husband at the age of 16, I had already been shooting dope or let me say, had shot dope to find out he shot dope too. 

Only he didn’t shoot crank, he was shooting cocaine and heroin.  By the time I had my first son, I was age 18 and married, a marriage that ended in divorce.  Nonetheless, I married him while he was in the Alameda County Jail.  He told me I needed to try cocaine and leave that crank alone and he was right, I’d been missing out all the time.  Ill never forget that first hit I wish I never would have taken.  Boy that drove me right where the devil wanted me to be, in hell but not eternally.

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

            I remembered waking up one morning just tired, tired of being tired.  I was tired of myself and I could not run any longer. There was nowhere to go, I couldn’t run or hide no more.  I’ll never forget how God reveled himself to me, so real.  I knew if I could just touch the hem of His garment I would be saved so this particular morning:

 

“I prayed and asked God to please help me”

 

            God then led me to an outpatient drug program.  From there I went inside a live-in program only to get some clean time under my belt.  I started to pray the very next morning inside that program.  I got down on my knees about 6:00AM that morning and mumbled all my problems to God and He heard every cry.  He heard the cry about my children who I was aching for.  He heard my cry about the abuse I had been going through from the womb to the cooker; from the time I was born until the time I surrendered my life to Him.

 

“God began to deliver me.”

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

 

            He took the drugs first, and came right back and got the cigarettes, and through prayer, meditation, going to church and hanging around the saints, God changed me.  He helped me to understand who He truly was in my life, and let me know only He is able to give me life in a dying world.  Every since God saw fit to save me, I’ve

been running for Christ and “I aint’t nowhere near tired yet.”

 

            I got all my children back and even my grandchildren.  God even gave me a wonderful husband. 

 

“Now , I’m an outreach minister.”

 

            I go out and feed and minister the Word of God to my brothers and sisters who are still suffering.  I’m also a spiritual counselor and am now attending school to get my A.A. for Substance Abuse counseling.

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

            And to think, during all that time God had my back and everything, Satan meant it for bad and evil, but God turned it into good.  Now today after having 4 years and 3 months of being clean and sober I can give back what was so freely given to me, grace and mercy, so that someone may know you don’t have to live in hell and it doesn’t have to be eternally.

“The devil may come to kill, steal and destroy, but God comes to give you life more abundantly.”

 

It’s true that God will restore what the cankerworms destroyed.  God is able to do all things for us that we could not do for ourselves. He even allows us to hear empty sounds so that we may rest and find peace in Him where our life is no longer empty but full, full of grace, mercy, love and a sound mind.  That’s why I praise Him, because I know from where He brought me.  I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

 

 

 

EMPTY SOUNDS                                                                    

            God can and will do the same for you because God does not have respect of persons

which means He loves you the same as He loves me.  But you have to be willing or either hearing empty sounds that only God will be able to restore.  If Satan took your hearing, don’t think he’s going to give it back.  Only God can do that with empty sounds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share

A GIFT OF GIVING

THIS IS A GIFT THAT I WAS BORN WITH AND I RECEIVED IT FROM MY FATHER JESUS CHRIST. I BECAME AWARE OF IT AT A VERY YOUNG AGE. I ALWAYS WANT TO GIVE AWAY EVERYTHING. BEFORE I UNDERSTOOD THE RICHNESS OF MY LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST, I THOUGHT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD LIKED ME, SO I LIKED EVERYONE. I STARTED REALIZING PEOPLE WOULD LIKE YOU TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. I CALLED IT “TAKING MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS. BUT MY MITTO WAS “JUST BECAUSE YOU ACT LIKE THAT, DON’T MEAN I’M GONE ACT LIKE THAT. ONLY ONE PERSON GOT THE POWER TO CHANGE ME, AND THAT IS MY LORD JESUS CHRIST. I WILL STILL BE ME, I LIKE TO GIVE. I WILL BE WHO GOD CREATED ME TO BE.

THEN AFTER I GOT SAVED, THATS WHEN I FOUND OUT I HAD A GIFT, MANY GIFTS, MY FAVORITE GIFT THAT  WAS GIVEN TO ME BY MY FATHER WAS THE GIFT TO GIVE. I GOT SAVED AND THEN GOD GAVE ME A ZEAL, A ZEAL THAT CAUSED ME TO GIVE AND GIVE MORE, I GAVE UNTIL I COULDN’T GIVE ANYMORE. GOD GAVE ME A LOT OF MONEY, I GAVE IT ALL AWAY. I CAN HEAR VOICES  SAYING “WHY? BECAUSE EVEN KNOW I HAD A GIFT I WAS IGNORANT WITH IT. GOD HAD TO TEACH ME THE TRUE MEANING OF MY GIFT.   GOD TAUGHT ME LATER HOW NOT TO THROW MY RICHES TO SWINE. IN THE BIBLE HE SAID FOR ME NOT TO THROW MY PEARLS TO THE SWINE. ONCE I LEARNED THE TRUE MEANING AND THE JOY OF GIVING, MY GIFT AND THE WISDOM GOD HAS GIVEN ME BECAME THE THEME OF MY LIFE TILL THIS DAY. AT CHURCH I GAVE TO EVERYONE WHO WAS IN NEED, ON THE STREET I GAVE TO EVERYONE WHO HELD UP A SIGN THAT SAID “WILL WORK FOR FOOD”.

GOD CONTINUE TO SHOW ME THE JOY OF GIVING AND HOW PLEASED HE IS WITH GIVING, GOD GAVE HIS SON JESUS FOR ALL OF US, EVERYONE OF US ON THIS EARTH, SO THAT WE CAN LIVE A LIFE OF FREEDOM. WHO ELSE WOULD DO SOMETHING SO WONDERFUL. GIVING HIS SON WAS THE BEST DEMONSTRATION OF GIVING IN THIS WORLD. GIVING IS THE BEST GIFT ANYONE CAN HAVE AND WE ALL DO HAVE IT. HE TAUGHT ME THE GIFT OF GIVING IS ALSO A POWERFUL DEMONSTRATION OF LOVE. HE LOVES ALL OF US. HE THEN TAUGHT ME HOW TO GIVE. IN THE BOOKS OF ACTS CHAPTER 4 VERSES32-36, GOD SAID ALL THE BELIEVERS CAME TOGETHER AND GAVE ACCORDING TO THE NEEDS OF THE SAINTS. THERE MAYBE A LOT OF US WHO DON’T REVERANCE THAT LAW OF GIVING.  I REMAIN WHO I AM, WHO GOD CREATED ME TO BE AND ON PURPOSE I GIVE.

I GAVE TO MY NEIGHBOURS ON THE STREET BEGGING BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME IN THE BIBLE IF MY NEIGHBOUR ASK FOR SOMETHING CAUSE THEY ARE IN NEED DO NOT TURN THEM AWAY BUT GIVE TO THEM.

A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE WILL TALK TO ME ABOUT A NEED AND IF I HAVE IT, I UTILIZE THE GIFT THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME, I DO NOT TELL THEM ” I’LL PRAY FOR YOU TO GET IT WHEN I AM WELL AWARE GOD PUT THEM IN MY PATH CAUSE HE HAS ALREADY EQUIPPED ME WITH IT. DON’T PRAY ABOUT IT WHEN YOU HAVE IT. OPEN UP YOUR HEART. GOD GAVE IT TO YOU SO YOU CAN BE THE BLESSING HE WAS TO YOU. GIVE IT  TO THE NEEDS OF OTHERS.

I GAVE UNTILL I GAVE EVERYTHING AWAY, WHEN I REALIZED I WAS OUT OF MONEY, I STARTED TO BELIEVE I DIDN’T HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO GIVE, I BECAME THE NEEDED. REALIZING THAT EVERYONE DO NOT HAVE THAT GIFT OR DON’T UNDERSTAND THE GIFT OF GIVING TRIED TO DISCOURAGE ME.

I NEVER HAD TO BEG OR STEAL, HE ALWAYS PROVIDED.  GOD TAUGHT ME “GIVING IS MORE THAN GIVING MONEY. HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO GIVE MY TIME. THEN I STARTED TO GIVE MY TIME TO THOSE THAT ARE IN NEED.

NOW I KNOW HOW TO GIVE MY TIME AS A SERVANT, JESUS ALSO DEMONSTRATED THIS TO ME IN THE BIBLE. HE GAVE HIS TIME ON THE MOUNT WHEN HE TAUGHT HIS DISCIPLES THE BEAUTITUDES. HE GAVE HIS TIME WHEN HE WENT THROUGH GALILEE HEALING EVERYONE WHO NEEDED TO BE HEALED. NOW I GIVE MY TIME AND SIT WITH WOMEN AND TEACH THE THINGS THAT GOD GIVE ME TO TEACH. NOT JUST WOMEN BUT EVERYONE GOD GIVES TO ME TO TEACH. INSIDE MY HOME AND EVERYWHERE I GO. I’M ALWAYS READY TO GIVE A GOOD WORD, A WORD OF WISDOM OR ENCOURAGEMENT, WHICH EVER ONE IS NEEDED AT THE TIME. GIVING DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE MONEY, IT CAN BE ANYTHING, FOOD; CLOTHES; SPACE; A SMILE OR A EAR TO HEAR WHAT SOME ONE NEED TO SAY. YOU CAN EVEN GIVE A SHOULDER FOR SOMEONE TO LEAN ON. GIVING IS AN ACT OF LOVE THAT MAKES LOVE BECOME WHAT IT IS, AN ACTION, WE ALL HAVE A GIFT OF GIVING AND TO SOME UNKNOWINGLY, WE USES IT EVERYDAY.

GOD HAS GIVEN ME A GIFT OF GIVING AND I LOVE IT, AND AS LONG AS I’M GIVEN LIKE HE COMMANDED ME TO DO, HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO GIVE ME BACK LIKE HE SAID HE WILL DO, “PRESSED DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER, RUNNING OVER. GOD KNOWS WHAT I NEED IN ORDER TO GIVE. THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME LIFE. GOD GIVES TO ME EVERYDAY, HE GIVES TO ALL OF US ACCORDING TO OUR NEEDS. THE BEST GIFT OF LIFE IS THE GIFT OF GIVING.

 

Share

GOOD

DOING GOOD TO ME IS LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN OTHERS AND ALL THEY DO. I BELIEVE WHEN WE LOOK FOR GOOD WE LOOK FOR JESUS CHRIST. GOD SENT HIM AND HE WAS GOOD, HE WAS THE WORD IN THE BEGINNIG AND IT WAS GOOD. EVERYONE LIKES GOOD FOOD, ONE OF THE REASONS WE HAVE SO MANY OVER WEIGHT PEOPLE. YOU TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD AND I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING GOOD. GOOD MAKES YOU HAPPY AND NOT DEPRESSED. THE WAY GOD SEE’S IT, ONCE HE FREE YOU, IT WILL BE GOOD. LISTENING TO GOOD MUSIC MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. GOOD IS WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR IN ORDER FOR ME TO FEEL GOOD. TODAY I WANT TO BE GOOD. WHEN YOU TAKE THE GOOD OUT OF SITUATIONS IN THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE, THE GOOD ALWAYS OUTWEIGHS THE BAD, OOPS I DID NOT MEAN TO SAY THAT — WORD. THERE IS ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO EVERYTHING AND THOSE TWO SIDES ALWAYS IS EITHER GOOD OR NOT. I LIKE WHAT I WROTE TODAY ABOUT THE GOOD BECaUSE IT IS GOOD AND I AM GOOD AND I AM GONE BE GOOD SO THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE AND I WILL REJOICE, ONLY TIME I’M HAPPY IS WHEN I’M AROUN D THE GOOD. I BELIEVE EVERYON E SHALL TAKE THE CONCEPT OF GOOD AND USE IT AND THEN THIS WORLD WILL BE A GOOD PLACE TO LIVE IN SO HAVE A GOOD DAY.

Share

His Faithfulness

God is faithful to me and anyone else who will just believe. I am encouraged to write about my love for life the way I desire it and how God desires for me to have it. Of course He said “Delight thyself in me and I will give you the desires of your life.

Upon searching the scriptures this morning I found out that we really have to pay attention to every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God or else life will end up being a dillussion.

He really is faithful to do what He said if we be willing and obedient to do what He says and this is my stuggle daily. I have this sincere heart to want to just be obedient and do everything that God tells me to do but I have problems sometimes catching on and remebering what I’m suppose to do when I am not in front of the word, but one thing God knows and that is the heart. He know I am willing, He knows I want to be obedient. He see’s everything so He see me trying, but He also see my struggles and my shortcomings and also my character defects.

My chacracter defects is just something I was born with and then I had all the volunteers who came alone that God trusted with my life and they only gave me more unlearn defects by the things they say I were and then when I got to know God for myself, He said not true.

I must admit by the time I got to the door I was in pretty bad shape, my emotions were corrupt without realization and I was stuck in this world of unworthiness. I had some horrible things done to me and I were taught how to do some horrible things while doing some horrible things to others and if that is not enough, lets add all the mind change substances that was added to make me have this false sense of well being, in other words, the drugs whether street or pharmaucuetical that I thought I needed to proceed and God said thats a lie too.

So now that you understand some of where my unworthiness is coming from, you can also understand why it took so long for me to believe.

Believe God. when reading my bible today James, the Lords brother exposed me and told me about why I war with myself and the source of my quarrels and conflicts and  these things set with me well, not only did they set with me well but they also explained the lies and deception of Satins delay in my life, but God.

While searching the scriptures in obedience to God I found everything I needed to come out of the rut the Devil had me in. I know his job is to kill, steal and destroy, but God said He will give me life and that more abundantly. He did just that. He gave me that life that I thought I was so unworthy of.

After  years of struggling in relationships that never seemed to fit in or never allowed me to cope in them God finally gave me my soul mate and this man is really the love of my life, there was so much clutter God had to remove from my life in order for me to be able to accept him and deal with my own short comings but it was truly God because with out Him none of this would had been possible.

It was as if God took this man and said to him ” Okay I have a daughter who really desire to have someone to love and she is starting to give up on what I already promised her and you seem fit for the job. She is not as wow as she used to be, I did some work on her but there is still a little hell ranging around her but that have to manifest itself off of her in order for her to believe and you is who I’m choosing for the job.

I promise you the picture I am trying to paint of me and this man together is a “DAVE and JOYCE MEYERS” picture.  Everyone else ran off and left me and my insanity to God to deal with and He did. I love you Lord and you already know it, not just for giving me someone to spend my entire life with but mostly for who I know you are.

I prayed and I said to God “Lord I been going to school for a long time now and I have this learning disability that causes me to be really slow at understanding how certain things work in my feild of work and my feild is “Counseling. I love the Lord and I love His people sometimes more then I love myself, this is true. So my stuggles becoming who God said to become was sincered, but my faithfulness in becoming was smeared due to my learning disabilities but God. So God please give me a job that I like and sure enough He  gave me a great job with women who has been delayed in life due to the same circmstances like myself.

And this is why I am happy all the way because I know I d0 delight myself in the Lord and He has given me the desires of my heart, A good husband and a wonderful job, something I like doing and it is all effective in His eyesight.

 

Share