Expectation or Attachment

One can expect life to be anyway that it’s wanted, but when it doesn’t work out as expected, don’t attach to it so there’s no story created. And with no created story, one will be able to move on.

Attachment and expectation are very similar in their nature and if ones mind isn’t quiet, it will be difficult to distinguish them from each other. But they do warrant an explanation of their differences mainly because someone stated yesterday’s post was somewhat confusing.

Ones expectations although they can lead to disappointment are different than attachments because whether the expectation is fulfilled or not, it usually ends there. You expect something, it happens or doesn’t happen, you move on. But when it doesn’t happens, how the disappointment is held onto causes the transition so it becomes an attachment. You can really see this for yourself in the following examples.

One expects a certain outcome from a planned presentation and if the outcome is different than what’s expected, you deal with it and move on. But what can happen instead of moving on, a story is created and attached to the outcome, and whatever ones conditioning, it determines the severity of the attachment. So now you have attachment because the expectation is being held onto and the reality of the outcome, in this case of the presentation, is being ignored, this makes it difficult to move on. This is how the transition from an expectation to an attachment occurs.

Let’s take golf as another example, if you expect to hit a certain shot and it doesn’t come off in the way that it’s expected, it would be time to move on, or you can carry the mishit with you onto the next shot, sometimes to the next hole, and sometimes it will be carried the entire round. So you see there is a definite difference between the two, but a lot of time it’s only when the mind is quiet that this difference will be noticed. One can expect life to be anyway that it’s wanted, but when it doesn’t work out as expected, don’t attach to it so there is no story created. And with no created story, one will be able to move on.

Michael Cupo
I grew up in Newark, New Jersey, one of six children. I have been married for 25 years. I own a home, and I have two children. I have been at the same job for 28 years. I am the happiest I have ever been and it is all because of the Love that has always been in my life. I attribute all that has happened to me to that Love. None of what has transpired in the last five years of my life has anything to do with any accomplishments on my part. There was always a lot of love in our home as I grew up, but for reasons unknown to me at the time I was always in trouble. I was at the top of my brother-in-law’s “Who My Sister Shouldn’t Marry” list. I drank alcoholically, gambled, abused drugs and painkillers. I bounced from relationship to relationship. Even after I stopped abusing alcohol and drugs in 1987, my so-called outer troubles stopped, but my self-centered behavior never changed. All I did was substitute one compulsion for another. Although my addiction became more respectable—taking the form of material possessions—I was still trapped, migrating restlessly from one obsession to another. I went to Twelve Step meetings, derived some benefit from them, and then fell away. My loved ones got me into de-tox and rehab programs. But once I was released, the cycle of insatiable craving started all over again. This cycle seemed to work for me . . . until it didn’t. And then my life changed — not instantly or magically, but profoundly. I share this change in It’s Monday Only in Your Mind: You Are Not Your Thoughts. I discovered that I wasn’t dependent upon a substance or activity, but ruled by my ego. My need to reach outside myself for fulfillment was created by a false perception of deficiency. If this sense of lack didn’t exist in me, there wouldn’t have been a need to reach and grasp. My credentials for writing this book are simply that I live this change each day. My view of life is so different from the way it used to be. Through the practice outlined in my book, I have learned to quiet my mind enough to allow my heart to open. The quieter my mind becomes, the more Love becomes the default setting of my life. This is truly a modern-day miracle, a miracle that can happen to anyone who has the urge to change. www.mondayinyourmind.com
Michael Cupo

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