Twenty-One Traits of My Desire

I read an article the other day on 13 Ways You Know You’re Dating a Grown-Ass Man. I then read the other article 13 Ways You Know You’re Dating a High-Quality Woman. I thought about my experience over the last 2 months being in the “single” social setting and some recent interactions and conversations I have had. I initially imagined this to be an ode to the man I would meet; instead I realize I have written a vow to my desire. I promise to stay true to my desire no matter what I think I want or need. Here’s to my desire!

Twenty-One Traits of My Desire

  1. I do not need anyone to be whole. I am complete within myself. I know who I am. I know whose I am; I am true to my convictions. I live in my desire.
  2. I do not date; I enjoy being in relationship. Everyone does not have full access to me; men are no different. I do not need you to know who I am. I am not interesting in “getting to know people”. I am looking to develop and cultivate relationships. If I am not what someone desires, I will not allow them to distract me from being available to what I do desire.
  3. I am not looking for a father. I love and respect my father. Yes, I had daddy issues; I have learned how to forgive him. I love my dad. I honor my father. I do not need another man to be the dad I never had.
  4. I know the difference between lust and love. I am not looking for sex. I am waiting to give all of my love to my husband in a sexual and sensual way. Everyone does not get what I have reserved for one person.
  5. I love life. Yes, I have my mood swings with the best of them but I understand life is full of challenges and obstacles. I love life enough to not to allow myself to be consumed by it. Life is supposed to be lived. I love living life.
  6. I thank God for the man who broke my heart. I was wounded but I am healed. Without the lessons of the heartbreak I would not be ready nor would I appreciate the right relationship for me. I do not hold any bitterness, hatred, resentment or hostility in my heart towards anyone in my past I have been in relationship with.
  7. I will always be for my man. I will never work against him. I will always be willing do to the necessary work required in me to maintain respect for the man in my life. I will respect him as a child of God and as a man. I will not utter a disrespectful word against him nor dishonor his name.  I will not run from our troubles no matter how difficult they may be.
  8. I am not looking to get old with someone; I want to grow better. Our lives will be richer because of our mutual desire for one another and for life. Even when I fall, I promise to never stay down for too long.
  9. I am not obsessed, needy or desperate. I do not hunt or chase after people. I have never seen a cat run after a dog. I believe in a man being a proper gentleman. It is what I expect and it is what I deserve. I am not waiting around for anyone either; I have a very active life.
  10. I have boundaries. There is not one person I talk to every single day. I know how to turn my phone off, not answer it and log off the computer. I will not sit across from someone at the dinner table and Facebook, tweet or text the entire time.
  11. I love to dress up; black-tie is optional. I am not referring to a ball, even though I always keep a couple of evening gowns in my closet (thanks mom!). I get dressed with purpose. I don’t mind ironing and I have finally learned how to properly do laundry.
  12. I do not believe chivalry is dead. When I dance with a man I prefer to be led. When I go out with a man, I prefer him to drive. When I’m out with a man, I prefer him to pay. I will wait for my door to be opened. I will wait for my seat to be pulled out for me. I will allow for a man to be the gentleman he is. I am not “high maintenance” nor am I materialistic. I was taught (thanks grandpa!) a true gentleman does these things.
  13. I do not need to control life. I understand people nor can events be manipulated as puppets. I cannot make life do anything by force.
  14. I will apologize when I am wrong. I am not perfect; I do not know everything. I will sometimes be wrong. I will admit my shortcomings and faults without placing blame on someone else.
  15. I have faith. I understand some things in life just have to be done and not explained. I am no longer afraid of the unknown. I will not digress from a willingness to try things even when they don’t make sense.
  16. I love to cook. I firmly believe a fed person is a happy person. I don’t cook out of a box or from the frozen section. I am challenging myself to explore different recipes and continue developing a palate for rich flavors and a healthy lifestyle.
  17. I do not have rules; I have standards. I have learned rules really are made to be broken. I have decided to stand for something so I don’t fall for anything. The song Let It Go from the soundtrack Frozen sums it up for me: “It’s time to see what I can do; to test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free!”
  18. I will try anything at least once. Fear kept me from living. Freedom has opened up my eyes to see there is so much to explore and experience in life. I’m learning to not immediately so “no” to something, even if my “yes” is cautious.  Nike says, “Just do it!”
  19. I love sports. Football, boxing, basketball, soccer, hockey, racing and even baseball. I love going to a game and I also enjoy watching them on television. ESPN is one of my favorite channels. I understand the intensity and involvement of being a spectator. I know how to respect the man cave if I am invited in.
  20. I dream big. I am not willing to live an ordinary life; life deserves to be an extraordinary experience. I am not limited by my past. I plan to live, be and do. I want to work smart and live well.
  21. I am Eve. I choose to live in my femininity. I am not every woman; I am not superwoman. I am Eve.




















LaNicia Williams
LaNicia Williams is a visionary and founder of Changed Living Ministries. Changed Living is a ministry for people who want to deepen their understanding of who God is and who God created us to be. Changed Living Ministries will encourage the process of healing, deliverance and revelation through intercessory prayer, the experience of worship and partaking of the word of God. LaNicia is also an exhorter, inspirational and biblical teacher and psalmist who began pursuing her God given desire to minister to others after working for several Fortune 500 companies in corporate America for almost 10 years. God called LaNicia to quit her job in August of 2009. It was at that moment that LaNicia began to chase and seek after God with her whole heart. Nothing else was important and it became more and more evident as she lost most of her material possessions that she worked tirelessly day after day to accumulate. People, places and things that LaNicia once needed to have in her life no longer mattered. God became her everything and has remained her all and all every since then. It is LaNicia’s heart’s desire to please God and to pursue God with her whole heart. It is her purpose to share the goodness and fullness of God with every one God places in LaNicia’s path. By faith LaNicia dares to be all who God has called her to be and challenges those she meets to do the same. LaNicia's motto is "Dare to dream, dare to live, dare to trust God!" LaNicia is currently the Worship Leader at Seattle First Presbyterian church. LaNicia is also writing her first book for publication “Believe! You Have the Power.” LaNicia is available for speaking engagements, worship opportunities and individual prayer. Please email for inquiries.
LaNicia Williams

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